whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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