Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
