ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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