Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize