Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
