I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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