I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
