I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize