Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
