TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
whose parrot is this?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize