Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
