Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
