May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
