thus making me awesome and them whores
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
