somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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