Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
