You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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