I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found the puke drawer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
