The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
