So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
