Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
