Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
