you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
