you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
