The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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