Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
