WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
