I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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