Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
NoShamevember. You game?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
