3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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