You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
