im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize