Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
