You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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