I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize