and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
