I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
