i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
