We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
