What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
