So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
