I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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