I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
