You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
