For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
