I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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