I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
