Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
