you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
