ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
