....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
