Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
