Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
