Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
