and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize