Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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