3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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