Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
