Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
