Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
