shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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