Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
