were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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