You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
