i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They have beer where we have blood.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
