I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
