I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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