so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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