She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
